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Introducing... Sleep Talkin Man, THE BOOK!!

Yes, I know, I dropped off the edge of the earth these past couple of weeks. I've been a very inconsiderate and disloyal blogger, and I wholeheartedly apologize. But, I think I have a pretty decent excuse:

Please join me in welcoming to the waking world
Hannah Ruth Lennard

About a week and a half ago, Hannah decided that 37.5 weeks was just about enough time to spend in the oven. On February 21st, after 45 hours of "early" labor and then 30 hours of actual labor, she finally made her way out into the world. She was born at a tiny 5 lbs 6 oz, with a VERY full head of hair, some scrawny little chicken legs, and frighteningly long toes.

Because she was so small, we were kept in the hospital for a few extra days. Except for the fact that there was NO WIFI (gasp!), that was a wonderful experience. I had round the clock care from a team of midwives, and a staff of lactation consultants coming in every three hours to work with me on breast feeding. I can't say enough about how great the UK National Health Service is. And midwives rock.

We've been home now for a week, and things are going pretty well. I'm amazed to learn that caring for a newborn truly is a full-time job. I'm slowly starting to get the hang of how to get anything not Hannah-related accomplished (hence finally managing this blog post).

Adam and I are both utterly besotted by Hannah, who is (objectively speaking) the most astoundingly gorgeous thing ever to have graced the earth.

I can't speak for what Sleep Talkin' Man thinks about her just yet, as he hasn't made a peep since she came along. I think we can attribute this to basic lack of proper sleep. Once we get on track, I hope to hear his opinion on our new addition.

I can share with you the story of STM's most recent appearance:

I was finally admitted into the hospital late Wednesday night, after more than two full days of contractions. By that time, I was in such unimaginable, mind-bending pain that they pumped me full of Pethidine (known in the States as Demerol). I drifted into a pain-free stupor, and Adam got in the bed with me to nap.

As I stirred awake two hours later , I heard him begin to mumble next to me. I sat up to clear my head, at which point he growled, "Seventeen shaved monkeys!" shortly followed by a top-of-his-lungs shout of "COCK FUCK!!"

Until STM decides to rejoin us, I promise to try and get back in the habit of posting things I've still got saved from the nest-egg. In the meanwhile, here are pictures of the utterly adorable Hannah:









These two quotes came out the night after Adam's surgery to remove his lymph node. It's generally not a good idea to abuse your surgeon, so I'm glad STM held off until he was in his own bed, rather than coming out with these while on the slab.
"How am I? How am I? I'm in a fucking hospital and I don't work here! Stupid question, how am I. Scalpel monkey!"
 or click here
"I'll fucking give you stitches! Oop, nope, you win. Got me first."
 or click here

This is one of those times that Adam's real life circumstances broke through to STM's world. A few weeks ago, Adam found a lump in his groin. It turned out to be a very swollen lymph node, which could have any one of a large number of explanations, many of them quite benign, a couple of them less benign. Sometime amidst his many doctor's appointments to determine what happens next, STM came out with this:
"Yeah, Lumpy, you wanna come mess with me in my house, you'd better come armed to the teeth and bring friends. I'll fuck you up, mother-fucker."
 or click here

Thanks, STM, for providing Adam a healthy outlet to help work through the anxiety while we wait for news.

And here is the conversation we had the next morning:
 or click here
ADAM: Go down.
KAREN: Who are you talking to?
ADAM: Lump.
KAREN: Oh wait, that explains... hold on... what did you say? OH, I didn't put it together at the time! You said, "Lumpy, if you're gonna fuck with me, you'd better come armed to the teeth." But I totally didn't make the connection.
ADAM: I shall give Lump a name. I'm gonna call it Rupert. It's inoffensive if you give it a name like Rupert.
KAREN: Okay, I like that idea. We'll call it Rupert.
ADAM: And then I won't mind when Rupert's gone.
KAREN: You know what? I bet you that if we start referring to it as Rupert, you'll start developing an affection for it.
ADAM: No. Rupert's an uninvited guest. He's made himself at home, and he's eating my food, and drinking my drink, and he's just pissing me off. He's just fat, bloated Rupert.

Yes, it's true! Sleep Talkin' Man is now a book!
A real, live, paper and ink book! 



"But I read the blog," I hear you saying.
"Why is it an ABSOLUTE IMPERATIVE that I get this book?

Well, because there's loads of exclusive content in there. Book stuff! For example:
  • Lots of STM zingers that I've been hiding from you all this time, JUST FOR THE BOOK. If you don't get the book, you'll NEVER GET TO READ THEM!
  • Hilarious illustrations of some of the classic STM quotes. I mean, seriously, how can you go through life without ever seeing a CHICKEN IN A FETISH COSTUME?
  • A bunch of WORDS, written by me, all about the life and times of Adam and Sleep Talkin' Man. Aren't you just dying to know who STM is, where he comes from, and what it's like for me to live with these two opposing personalities?
  • More more more!!!!
"Okay, okay, I HAVE TO HAVE THIS BOOK!
Where can I get it?"

Officially speaking, it's launching later in January. But you can go ahead and order it from Barnes & Noble (in the US), or from Amazon in your country of choice!


What, you're still here?
Get on out there and GET YOUR BOOK!

__________________________________________

Added later: In response to a comment left by Paula - YES, the book IS available for Kindle and Nook!  
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