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27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

1. Every time you experience something wonderful, like a Big Gulp, don’t be afraid to profess your patriotism.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

2. Limit your vocabulary to words that are made in America.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

3. Develop a love for all types of meats on sticks.

Develop a love for all types of meats on sticks.

Cut out the bread, and stick to the basic food group: bacon.

4. Remember that you are a hunter, and the world is your buffet.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

5. Avoid fruits, they’re only trying to keep you down.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

6. Have a healthy affection for all superstores.

Have a healthy affection for all superstores.

7. If you go to brunch, this is how you should order:

If you go to brunch, this is how you should order:

8. Know that aside from bacon, the only thing that’s allowed to touch your mustache is an adorable puppy.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

9. Dance as if you’ve just won the bacon lottery.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

10. Freely exercise the right to do whatever the hell you damn well please.

Freely exercise the right to do whatever the hell you damn well please.

11. And if anyone questions your lifestyle choices, respond with something strong and American:

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

12. FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

13. FREEDOM OF RELIGION.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

14. THE RIGHT TO BEAR GOLD-ENCRUSTED ARMS.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

15. And acknowledge the most underrated right of this nation: freedom to eat.

And acknowledge the most underrated right of this nation: freedom to eat.

16. Accept that the government is kind of a joke.

Accept that the government is kind of a joke.

17. And don’t be afraid to indoctrinate the younger generations.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

18. Find a way to add bacon to every meal, snack, and moment of your life.

Find a way to add bacon to every meal, snack, and moment of your life.

19. Just say no to salad, it’s a trap.

Just say no to salad, it's a trap.

20. But love ice cream, because it tastes like liberty.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

21. Celebrate the differences between you and your fellow countrymen!

Celebrate the differences between you and your fellow countrymen!

22. Don’t give in to celebrating anything that’s not America’s birthday.

Don't give in to celebrating anything that's not America's birthday.

23. Take up hobbies that bring you closer to nature.

Take up hobbies that bring you closer to nature.

24. Know that America isn’t perfect, but it can be.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

25. Don’t give up the last piece of meat without a fight.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

26. Drink whiskey like it’s beautiful, life-giving water. (BECAUSE IT IS.)

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

27. And encourage your fellow Americans to do the same.

27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

Happy July 4, all you baby Swansonites!

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