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Creepy, Funny Old-Timey Personal Ads

1. French scumbag seeks Sugar Momma close to death.

French scumbag seeks Sugar Momma close to death.

2. From 1892. Small scale bookkeeping. Teutonic Tits.

From 1892. Small scale bookkeeping. Teutonic Tits.

3. Well J.A.R., you sarcastic, indifferent asswipe, your move. I hope he didn’t show.

Well J.A.R., you sarcastic, indifferent asswipe, your move. I hope he didn't show.

4. From a 1922 Denver Post. She certainly had a way with words.

From a 1922 Denver Post . She certainly had a way with words.

5. Alonzo no likey millionaire beauties. Like, I’m sure they were beating down his door. “orphan preferred” — nothing creepy there.

Alonzo no likey millionaire beauties. Like, I'm sure they were beating down his door. "orphan preferred" — nothing creepy there.

6. The great Rev. El-LOON’s all CAPS ending scares the CRAP out of me.

The great Rev. El-LOON's all CAPS ending scares the CRAP out of me.

7. Flappers, save your stamps for flappering.

Flappers, save your stamps for flappering.

8. I smell old newsprint and a SCAM.

I smell old newsprint and a SCAM.

9. Can your glance electrify his “souL”? This guy’s romantic spiel is dime store malarkey.

Can your glance electrify his "souL"? This guy's romantic spiel is dime store malarkey.

10. I suspect a Zombie.

I suspect a Zombie.
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