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12 Famously-Mustachioed Men Who Are Judging Your Fake ‘Stache

1. President Theodore Roosevelt

President Theodore Roosevelt

“I moustache you a question: why do you disrespect me like that? After all I did for national parks?”

2. Legendary Wrestler (And Reality Star) Hulk Hogan

Legendary Wrestler (And Reality Star) Hulk Hogan

“HOGAN KNOWS BEST. Specifically, I know that your moustache is an efface to everything I stand for.”

3. Archduke Franz Ferdinand

Archduke Franz Ferdinand

“My moustache was worth starting a war over. Yours isn’t.”

4. Walter Cronkite

Walter Cronkite

“And that’s the way it is, so get the f**ck out my face.”

5. Former Major League Pitcher Rollie Fingers

Former Major League Pitcher Rollie Fingers

“This moustache took four years, seven tons of wax and thousands of hours of labor-intensive curling. Yours too, right?”

6. Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein

“E = MC2, but a stupid stick and black, curly plastic ≠ legendary moustache.”

7. Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson

“I hate you. Get out of my forest.”

8. Wyatt Earp

Wyatt Earp

“I turn away from you and your pathetic moustache/sunglasses combination.”

9. Former New York Gubernatorial Candidate Jimmy McMillan

Former New York Gubernatorial Candidate Jimmy McMillan

“Hey, look what you can do with your hair. I’m really impressed. I just don’t have your sense of imagination, hair-follicularly.”

10. Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx

“You’re terrifying.”

11. Pancho Villa

Pancho Villa

“Oh-em-gee, twinsies! LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.”

12. President William Howard Taft

President William Howard Taft

“Oh, that’s a moustache, right? It looks a bit like somebody painted a moustache on a coffee cup but I know you wouldn’t try to shit that front of the only person to ever be both president and Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court.”

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