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36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

Which farmer sits on his tractor shouting, “The end is nigh.”?
  1. Answer
Woman at food fair: “Why is this cake more expensive than your other cake?”
  1. Answer
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
  1. Answer
How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese?
  1. Answer
What do you call a ghost at a hotel?
  1. Answer
What’s the first sign of Madness?
  1. Answer
What is Scotland’s friendliest motorway?
  1. Answer
What was the worst thing about Robin Hood’s house?
  1. Answer
Why do bees stay in their hives during winter?
  1. Answer
What is Forrest Gump’s Facebook password?
  1. Answer
Why did the paranoid guy quit Twitter?
  1. Answer
What’s Urdu?
  1. Answer
What’s the scariest thing in geometry?
Why are dwarfs good at maths?
Because it’s the little things that count.
The sound a posh duck makes.
How did the football pitch end up as a triangle?
What’s the quickest way to double your money?
Because he’s got little legs.
Do you know the difference between illegal and unlawful?
Unlawful means “against the law” and illegal is a sick bird.
Why was the calendar depressed?
What do you call a three-foot-long aardvark?
Why don't owls date in the rain?
Because it’s too wet to woo.
Why did the barista quit his job?
Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos?
Stripes and Czechs don’t mix.
How do you stop a bull from charging?
Take away his credit card.
Customer: "Why do these cashews keep saying nice things about my hair?"
Barman: “They’re the complimentary nuts.”
What do you get when four giraffes collide?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Why was the archaeologist depressed?
What do you get if you cross a soldier with a chilli?
What's the most commonly misspelled blood group?
Barman: "How would you like to buy a vodka for 20p?"
Customer: “That’s a cheap shot and you know it.”
What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Why was the computer tired when it got home?
Because it had a hard drive.
What do you call dyslexic owls?

All jokes via the following sources:

1. The Mammoth Book Of One Liners, edited by Geoff Tibballs, published by Robinson.
2. reddit.com/r/dadjokes.
3. @baddadjokes.
4. legendarydadjokes.tumblr.com.

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