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The 20 Hottest Male Celebs According To 17-Year-Old Me

This is my contribution to What’s Something Awesome You Made When You Were a Kid? (Assuming 17 still counts as a kid. It does, right?)

In November of 2003, there was a LiveJournal hotness ranking meme: the goal was to pick 20 of your crushes and rank them according to sex appeal. Before you judge my list, keep in mind that it was 2003. And that, as my friend Anna noted at the time, my taste is “whack.”

20. Shia LaBeouf

Shia LaBeouf

This was pre-Transformers. I was weirdly obsessed with Project Greenlight and The Battle of Shaker Heights.

Image by Miramax Films

19. Peter Krause

Peter Krause

I wasn’t really watching Six Feet Under, but I had leftover feelings from Sports Night.

Image by HBO

18. Mo Rocca

Mo Rocca

I loved I Love the ’80s. More importantly, I loved the men of I Love the ’80s.

17. Jake Epstein

Jake Epstein

Who wouldn’t swoon over Degrassi: The Next Generation’s Craig Manning.

Image by CTV

16. Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon

Yeah, he was hilarious on Saturday Night Live, but did you know he also had an album that I bought and listened to a lot?

Image by NBC

15. Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black

See above re: Mo Rocca.

Image by VH1

14. Adam Pascal

Adam Pascal

Would you light my candle, Adam?

13. Adamo Ruggiero

Adamo Ruggiero

You better believe I was in love with the actor playing the gay character on my favorite Canadian melodrama. Yes, dumb hair and all.

Image by CTV

12. Chris Carrabba

Chris Carrabba

I was listening to Dashboard Confessional constantly at the time. And all I wanted was for Chris to want me. For Chris to need me. For Chris to nooooootice me.

11. Chris Pratt

Chris Pratt

Before Zero Dark Thirty. Before Parks and Recreation. It was all about Everwood.

Image by Warner Bros.

10. Adam Brody

Adam Brody

Weirdly, I wasn’t even watching The O.C. I just knew I loved Seth Cohen.

Image by FOX

9. Kieran Culkin

Kieran Culkin

I saw Igby Goes Down on my 16th birthday. It left an impression.

Image by United Artists

8. Tom Lenk

Tom Lenk

I mean, duh. He was the closest thing Buffy the Vampire Slayer had to a gay character.

Image by 20th Century Fox

7. Rodrigo Santoro

Rodrigo Santoro

It was 2003. Love Actually was big. Weren’t we all a little bit in love with Rodrigo Santoro?

Image by Universal Pictures

6. Ethan Hawke

Ethan Hawke

I was very into his Hamlet. And thus began an unfortunate obsession with jerks in douchey sunglasses.

Image by Miramax Films

5. Jason Lee

Jason Lee

Remember Heartbreakers? What a movie! This was also during my Kevin Smith phase.

4. Cillian Murphy

Cillian Murphy

28 Days Later: seriously scary, surprisingly sexy.

Image by Fox Searchlight Pictures

3. Nicholas Brendon

Nicholas Brendon

Really, though, I just wanted to be Xander.

Image by 20th Century Fox

2. Jake Gyllenhaal

Jake Gyllenhaal

Listen. It was 2003. You thought Donnie Darko was the greatest movie of all time, too.

Image by Newmarket Films

1. Ian Somerhalder

Ian Somerhalder

Rules of Attraction was my sexual awakening. The dance in front of the mirror. The dance on the bed. The Ian Somerhalder-James van der Beek makeout scene. There went the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality. Good riddance.

Image by Lions Gate Entertainment

In the interest of fairness, I also ranked the 20 hottest women. It was mostly just the celebrities I wanted to hang out with: Thora Birch and Scarlett Johansson (hello, Ghost World), Jena Malone (Donnie Darko again), and yes, Daria.

20. Daria Morgendorffer
19. Emily Van Camp
18. Marguerite Moreau
17. Christina Ricci
16. Emma Caulfield
15. Charisma Carpenter
14. Allison Mack
13. Penelope Cruz
12. Thora Birch
11. Claire Danes
10. Alyson Hannigan
9. Neve Campbell
8. Parker Posey
7. Evan Rachel Wood
6. Clea DuVall
5. Julie Benz
4. Jena Malone
3. Joey Lauren Adams
2. Keira Knightley
1. Scarlett Johansson

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