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14 Ways "Cruel Intentions" Changed My View On Sex

1999 was a big year for me. I turned 14, was about to graduate the 8th grade, and snuck into my first R-rated movie: Cruel Intentions.

Prior to seeing this film, I didn’t know much about sex. I was, in the words of Kathryn (played by the incomparable Sarah Michelle Geller), “a fucking idiot,” just like Cecile.

:(

In my defense, I went to Catholic school, and the closest thing to a sex talk my parents ever gave me was saying, “wait till marriage.” I had no clue what I was missing… But I think this was the only sex talk I ever needed, actually.

1. A handjob can be done with your hands, but also with other things…like your bum bum.

14 Ways "Cruel Intentions" Changed My View On Sex

Weirdly sexy wiggle dance, for the win.

2. On that note, this is what blue balls look like.

14 Ways "Cruel Intentions" Changed My View On Sex

Way harsh.

3. Simulating a handjob on a tennis racket can be a confusingly sexy way to tell someone you’re DTF.

14 Ways "Cruel Intentions" Changed My View On Sex

4. Practicing French kissing on your friends might be sexier than the real thing.

Practicing French kissing on your friends might be sexier than the real thing.

Like, yeah, it’s definitely sexier.

Like, yeah, it's definitely sexier.

5. It’s totally OK* to say this to your unbelievably hot stepbrother.

14 Ways "Cruel Intentions" Changed My View On Sex

*Only OK if he’s Ryan Phillippe.

Also OK to say this, if he needs more convincing.

14 Ways "Cruel Intentions" Changed My View On Sex

Same rules apply as above.

6. If you’re not as sex savvy as Kathryn, making “quirky” faces is an effective mating ritual.

If you're not as sex savvy as Kathryn, making "quirky" faces is an effective mating ritual.

7. Double entendres should always be used as a way to end a phone call.

14 Ways "Cruel Intentions" Changed My View On Sex

8. Oral sex is as easy as learning your ABCs!

Oral sex is as easy as learning your ABCs!

Note: This is false advertising.

9. Even though I’m not a gay man, two sexy shirtless dudes in bed is still an effective turn on.

14 Ways "Cruel Intentions" Changed My View On Sex

10. Slutting it up is the only way to go, basically.

14 Ways "Cruel Intentions" Changed My View On Sex

11. Having an orgasm is pretty much the best thing ever.

Having an orgasm is pretty much the best thing ever.

12. Ryan Phillippe’s ass is everything. It’s just everything.

14 Ways "Cruel Intentions" Changed My View On Sex

To this day, my face makes the exact same expression as Reese’s every time I see DAT ASS.

13. In fact, the only way I want to lose my virginity is if it’s to Ryan Phillippe…

14 Ways "Cruel Intentions" Changed My View On Sex

14. While this song plays in the background.

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